another day wasted being angry w my folks.
my hse is like a battlefield.
i know, i understand.
i know my dad's stand. i understand my mum loves me. i do know why my bro sides em evn when i'm not wrong. because im selfish my family cant evn dine in peace. because im still childish, i make my dad worry evn when he's working. because im eff up, i make my whole family upset. fuck me fuck me fuck me. my mum said sorry. my dad wanted to buy me a phone so i'll talk to him agn. my bro went out purposly so i cld use the comp. aint i such a bastard. argh.
and Alicia gave me one hell of a lecture just now. yup i know life's short, i know im turning 17 nxt year. theres a lot i want to do, evn more things i wish i can do. there was also a time whn i thought i can do everything. life's like so simple. but no, now tht i think of it, i had a lot of chances, but i wasted em all. but i think that lecturing sort of woke me up, theres still a few things i can do for now : ) like thinking of what i really want to be. i used to say i dont evn know wht i want, but i didnt thought that i didnt evn think of i want.
i bet you guys didnt know.
i wanted to be a chef.
i wanted to be a policeman.
i wanted to be a fireman.
i wanted to be a teacher.
of all, i just wanna be happy : ) corny hur.
life's short. i dont ask much, i wld be darn happy if i cld jst accomplish one of em.
but life's complicated, its not that easy to jst aim and work towards it. theres so much involved, my parents might not like what i want to be, my bro might jst eff me up for being silly to evn dream of wanting to do such things. he's simple, he just want to make money. and true enough, he's alrdy on his path to his bright future. why, why two brothers of the same parents are so different. shit.
if i can, i wld very much like to have 5 different simple life.
so i can be happy thoughout 5 life times.
to have 5 occupation. to have the same spastic friends 5 times.
life used to be so simple back thn during the sec 2 days.
i too, was happy daily :D not to mention being crazy daily.
hopes, dreams and laughter. i had it all. but gradually, i too lost em all. i lost evn my best friends. i did it to myself, for being suchcha bitchy person. thn i carried on w life, without dreams and hopes, with only painful laughter and slowly earned back the trust of my friends. everything's fine agn, i have my friends and laughter. just that i lost my dreams and hopes.
and after being lectured so that long. i think its long >.< i really think its time i think about it, to carry on w this bitchy life without dreams and just settle for anything in the furture or slowly work towards my goal evn if i have to be retained in sec 3 or 4. Hopes, i threw em all away. because there was a time in my life, i used to think im hopeless. indeeed, how hopeless to think of myself as hopeless.
its time i think about stuff alrdy. oh and yeah, before i leave. this part is dedicated to Johanna! :D her birthday was like, 1 weeks ago. i know its late, but let me do it before its too late : )
HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY TO MRS KIM JAEJOONG THE GREAT NIANG NIANG -.- JOHANNA TEO JIE YI. yesyes, i know its a lil too late, but i wasnt in Singapore at tht time. i brought my phone out so i cld wish you! but i was stupid enough to forgot about the charger the finished the batt playing gmaes >.< LOL! kay, later is better thn never, so i shall do it before its too late althought its alrdy late!
okay i dunno wht the heck was i saying. nevermind -.- niang niang, for you!
like before i'm typing this, i was reading through our chat log, like it is so long lah! i didnt know we talked so much >.< LOL. and i realise that our convers are too crappy and cold luh! once, you tld me to update my blog cos you got nth to read. i said i updated only like one day ago, you said you did too, somemore is two long entries. guess what i said, break mine into two parts -.- and if you're that bored, go do four entries to break record -.- LOL.
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that part was done a few days ago. : )
this part starting is going to be done, now : )
JOHANNAAAAAAA! i bet you're working your ass off right now. LOL. i just thought that we're always the ones tht failed maths evn in fast maths class. and thn, we landed our butt in the last class during remedial. and thn, we once agn didnt evn bothered to pay attention >.< we were evn trying to run off earmeaningful. " genius are people that know how to get over stuff while lier. LOL. Theres quite a lot i wanna take this opportunity to thank you about. thankyou for always asking if im alright : ) thanks for always reminding me i have friends, evn on my birthday : ) the constant reminders to stay positive has also been helpful in a way i know theres someone tht still wld ask me to be positive. LOL. I'll always remember what you said about being genius. i dunno if you cocked it up or wht luh, but i found it grieving. "
" they can learn how to get over things without not knowing the feeling of holding on to sth" thank you. i will learn how to get ovr with things : ) THERE WERE MANY MANY MANY TIMES I WAS LIKE BANGING MY HEAD ONTO THE WALL WHN U WLD POP OUT AND START TALKING TO ME LAH! :D and everytime after talking to you, i wld really feel better lah! i didnt really tld you anything about my stuff yet you can make me feel better, i seriously think you're like the only one tht can do this man. really really, i bet you must be thinking im bullshiting agn -.- but really seriously, to have you as my friend is one of the best thing tht ever happened in this bitchy life of mine :D theres so much i wanna say leh, but my english is so limited. sorry if you'll find this short yah? call me call me :D i tell you what i wanna say in person! heh heh! okay i'll end off w this : )
friends i have a lot. those kind just hello and bye bye friends also a lot.
but you're one idiotic true friend that i've always cherish. :DD
loves aplenty! :D
